I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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