Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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