How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
