Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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