SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
