How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
