I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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