And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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