So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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