Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
