i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
