Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
