a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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