May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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