the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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