U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
