no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I stole a fireplace last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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