you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
