i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
