Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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