I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
