we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize