I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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