You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize