guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
