arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we're so committed to being not committed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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