please come you make the beer taste better
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
