She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize