There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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