why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
