I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
