my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
