you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
