I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
