Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
