Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
