If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
