Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize