shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
