Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
