trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
