You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
