there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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