I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They are going to name an STD after you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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