whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
