as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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