words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
