just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
