Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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