Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
