you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
