worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
