Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
