So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
