Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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