I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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