Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
