One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
