The maid of honor just puked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
