Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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