I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize