so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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