dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
