At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
