I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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