that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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