Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
