she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
