Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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