Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
